Sermon for September 8, 2002 - Grace and Holy Trinity Cathedral, Kansas City, MO

The scripture readings for today include Jesus’ guide to conflict resolution with supporting material from Paul and Ezekiel. In Matthew’s Gospel we heard a passage that most of you have heard before. If you have a problem with someone, first go to them yourself, and try to reason with them. If that doesn’t work, get a friend or two to help mediate, and try again. If you still cannot resolve your differences, get the whole community involved. I like to call this the Jesus Guide to Conflict Resolution.

When Jesus first gave this advice, it was likely meant for his own small community. When Matthew got around to writing it up in his Gospel, it was likely meant for the still fairly small Christian community. For this early church community, a method of internal conflict resolution was probably very necessary. It wasn’t as if they could always go to the synagogue to air their grievances, as the non-Christian Jews would not always be friendly. And taking their differences to the Roman courts would likely end in persecution, not resolution.

The Jesus Guide to Conflict Resolution has been employed in various ways throughout the amazing and tragic history of Christianity. Monks and Nuns in religious orders would adapt this bit of scripture to come up with their own system of internal peacekeeping. This scripture can also be employed in an aggressive manner, forcing a dissenting member of a closed community to fall in line with the thoughts of others who come first alone, then with a couple of witnesses, then with the pressure of the whole group.

Last weekend I spent a significant amount of time watching two seasons worth of an HBO television show called The Sopranos. Many of you have likely heard of this show, but for those of you that have not, The Sopranos is not about singing. It’s about a family, whose last name is Soprano, the father of which, one Tony Soprano, is a Mafia boss in New Jersey. The first show in the series begins with Tony Soprano visiting a psychologist, and this theme of examination continues throughout the series as Tony’s two worlds of Mafia crime and the search for psychological health continue to clash. Most people watch this show as it airs, one hour per week, about 13 week per season. I however, had borrowed the collector’s edition DVDs and watched two whole seasons in a week’s time.

The net effect of all this Mafia-themed TV was that I started to talk in Mafia slang and feel much tougher than I really am. Another effect was that when I read the gospel lesson for today, it sounded a little intimidating. Was Jesus like a Mafia boss? Was he suggesting that the disciples visit troublemakers personally to intimidate them? And if that didn’t work, were they supposed to bring along a hired goon or two for added emphasis? And then the ultimate, would persistent troublemakers be exposed to the full displeasure of “The Family”? Let this be a lesson to you kids: too much TV can make you think that Jesus was a crime lord.

Clearly my imagination was running away with me. Jesus probably wouldn’t know what to do with the spaghetti and gravy the guys on The Sopranos are always eating, and Jesus never had anyone whacked. However, the Word of the Lord spoken through Ezekiel doesn’t help with God’s tough-guy image. The passage read today is the passage long used to intimidate priests, deacons, and other ministers. “If I warn you to warn my people,” says the Lord, “and you don’t do it…They shall die for their sins, but their blood will be on your hands”. Not real encouraging, but it does provide a certain motivation. For Ezekiel, God makes us directly responsible for the failures of each other. We are all God’s children, and it seems that God would like us to help each other out.

In his letter to the Romans, Paul begins to intimate how difficult such behavior is likely to be. The passage from Romans begins with some pretty straightforward and easy to like exhortations. “Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another…” These things may not always be easy, but most of us will agree that they are good ideas and we ought to give them a try as often as we can manage. By the time Paul winds this section up however, he has moved onto much shakier ground. “…never avenge yourselves…if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink…” This is harder to swallow. Loving your enemies may indeed heap burning coals on their heads, or in modern language, makes them really mad. And making them really mad could give us a temporary passive-aggressive thrill, but the hard truth is that loving those you have a significant difference with is very, very hard.

I offer an example from my own life. When I was a Junior in High School, a situation arose in which a certain Freshman decided that I had greatly offended against him and began telling all of our mutual acquaintances how he was going to start a fight with me. I can’t reconstruct now what the source of trouble was, or how I offended this guy, but I do remember clearly how the situation came to a head. I was eating lunch in the performing arts building with my girlfriend and a few others, when this guy comes walking in posturing like only a teenage boy flooded with testosterone can. “We need to talk,” he says. Well, since I also was a teenage boy flooded with testosterone, I stood up and coolly walked toward the door. “Outside,” I said. Out behind the building we stood facing each other.

I remember thinking that I could very likely beat this guy up without too much trouble. I’ve always been a pretty big guy, and even though my last physical fight had been in the fifth grade, I had been playing hockey for three years whereas this guy was a wrestler. Wrestlers are often strong, but hockey players fight as part of the game. We argued for what seemed like forever, trying to establish who said what to whom about what and why. The details escape me, but eventually I said, “Look, I honestly did not try to make you angry, I seriously don’t know what I’ve done to make you so mad, but I apologize anyways, OK. I’m sorry. For whatever I did, I’m sorry.”

I’m not sure what made me do that. It would have been far more satisfying to beat the crap out of this kid. Apologizing when I knew I was not in the wrong felt horrible. It was nearly sickening. But it did the job. He couldn’t start the fight after I’d apologized, and I wasn’t going to. So there was no fight. I went back to lunch and he went back to class. A few days later he called me up and apologized for the whole thing getting so out of hand. I told him it was no big deal, but I still felt like it would have been more satisfying to punch him in the face.

That’s why Jesus’ method of conflict resolution is not like the Mafia. It’s usually much easier to exert your own will, by force, or by cunning, than it is to negotiate, or talk, or listen. When Jesus told his disciples, and us, to go to those with whom we have some trouble, he was not suggesting a method for us to get what we wanted from the situation. The Jesus Guide to Conflict Resolution does not begin with the premise that you are right, and that you will get your way if you bring enough people with you. That’s not what the extra people are for.

The key to the Jesus Guide to Conflict Resolution comes in the last sentence of today’s reading. “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there among them.” Get it? That’s what the extra people are for. You don’t bring the others to be hired goons, or even to support your side of the issue. You bring the others because the more caring people you bring into the negotiation, the more likely it is that someone will notice Jesus there in your midst, and make a decision that may not be easy, but that will loose a part of the Kingdom of God here on Earth. Bring the others, and bring the Spirit of God. It isn’t easy, but it is what Jesus is asking us to do.